Hi,

I'm not sure if I should be posting this here, but I have this christian lesbian story I'm working on about a christian lesbian who discovers who she is in high school and what life has been like for her since this discovery. I'd really like some feedback. This is what I have so far...

Jamie Stevens. She was just a regular gal all her life. Or so she thought. See at age 15, while in the middle of high school, she started to notice that she was, well, “different”. But let’s backtrack a little bit and learn more about Jamie before high school.

Born on Christmas Day 1980, Jamie had always been a very special, very unique child. Even though she had the same birthday as Jesus, supposedly, Jamie was never a snob. She came from a middle class family. Her family was loving, most the time. Jamie was the youngest of four children. She had two older brothers and an older sister. Since they were not very far apart in age, Jamie and her siblings grew up as friends, not only playing with each other, but as they grew older, confiding in one another. Being the baby of the bunch, her sister and brothers usually took it upon themselves to look after their little baby sister. Sometimes Jamie hated it, but sometimes she just plain loved it. Her mom and dad both worked and would often leave Jamie and her siblings in the care of a trusted neighbor.

The Stevens’ neighbor, the Johnsons, a loving Christian couple in their late 40’s, always read Bible stories to the Stevens’ children. At age 7, Jamie could remember her 2 brothers and sisters idling themselves whenever the 4 of them were left in the care of the Johnsons. Her siblings would always complain about how bored they were with the stories. Jamie, however, always found them fascinating.

As the years went by, and Jamie and her siblings would constantly be left in the Johnsons’ care, Jamie found herself taking a liking to the Johnsons and their stories. More and more Jamie would ask the Johnsons to read stories for her while her 3 siblings would otherwise occupy themselves. The Johnsons could tell that Jamie would grow up to be a loving person. They could tell that from her eagerness to know more and more about this God she would keep hearing in the stories they would read to her.

One day, in the early 90’s, while Jamie and her siblings were in the Johnsons care, Jamie asked Mr Johnson for a Bible. Mr Johnson smiled and gave her the Bible. Jamie just sat there and read the Bible while her siblings, who were teenagers at this point, were out drinking and partying.

From that point on, every time Jamie would go over to the Johnsons, she would be found in their den reading the Bible. She loved to read that book. There was something about that book that called to her it seemed. Jamie loved reading, but she would spend most of her reading time reading the Bible.

Her school life was not that different from her home life. She was always an “academic” it seemed, unlike her siblings, who all just barely scraped by. Well, not barely. You see, her sister always got by on her looks and as for her 2 big brothers, well, they were top athletes in football and baseball respectively. The school they went to was known for their sports team, so her brothers were always taken care of academically because of their athletic contributions to the school, while her sister used her looks and her position as head cheerleader, to pass her classes.

Jamie loved school and she loved the Bible the Johnsons gave her. She was the quiet type who was always studying or reading, which didn’t do much for her social life. While her siblings, because of their popularity and personality, would be out socializing with their friends, Jamie would be over at the Johnsons, either studying or reading her Bible.

As the years went on, little about Jamie changed, except of course for her physical appearance. She went from being a rather thin, sticklike little girl to developing into a slender shapely young lady. And that’s how she entered high school, where her life journey really began.

TBC

That's what I have so far. I'd really like some feedback on this story. You can post your feedback here or at http://budurl.com/jamiestevens1

You know everyone has thier own writing style or at least the best known authors are known for being individualy characteristic in thier works. They write in a specific manner that is of thier own. For instance Max Lucado, not a classic writer but if you have ever read his work he is very specific in his writing style. For instance he speaks as if he is speaking to the person next to him, he is very explanitory and uses allot of character puns to get his point across, but once you are able to define his character by his style he takes off and sticks with you due to his unique perspective.

You know your reading a good book when you feel as if your the only one in the room. When your mind begins to draw pictures and as you read the images come alive and transform in your minds eye, all the while the words just roll from your lips as if you can't stop. Now that my friend is a good story.

I think you obviously have your charcater picked out and I am sure you have sat for hours just imagining her, wether it had been while you were washing dishes or doing laundry, she was on your mind. You have a painted picture of Jamie.

Now that you have that picture, paint it on paper, don't hold back to details, explanations, descriptions and never doubt your work, your self or your creative process... Take all the time you want and write it out scene by scene. decide who is going to tell the story, is Jamie going to tell it herself or are you going to tell it and then once you decide who is speaking get into character.! When you introduce your character introduce your character as if you had to describe her to a stranger that wants to know everything about her, For example, If I was telling the story I would say something like this to describe my character

 " ......a pale blue eyed southern mess, her braids were knotted and her dress was patched just above the knees. She was about as tall as a thorn bush and carried her head up as if she had just won the coveted Spring Patch Potato sack Parade. "

Now if I reverse this and tell the story from the characters stand point it would rather be wrote like this...

" I was a pale blue eyed southern mess back then. My braids were always knotted and mamma couldn't force me take a bath. I remember mamma sewing patches on my dresses because I just couldn't seem to stay out of the trees. I was pretty tall and so I could reach the brances that most the other boys couldn't... and it made me so proud. Why.. I remember I would walk so tall and so proud you'd think I'd just won the coveted Spring Patch Potato Sack Parade."

See the major difference between the two....

I think you have a wonderful thing going and I wish you the best, I hope you just make it your own and don't give up... your a wonderful creation of God and your limitless... Hold to your talents and manifest them!

I Hope I get an autographed copy! .....God Bless.. 

Thanks for the encouragement AverageGuy4u. I've been MIA when it comes to my writing and online participation here at RainbowChristians as well as on GCN and other online communities I'm a member of. I also have several blogs I've been MIA with. This year, 2010, though, I plan to not only get back to participating in the online communities and keeping up with the blogs, but I also plan to work on this story some more. As a matter of fact, I am thinking about changing the perspective of the story and writing it from Jamie's POV. As I get back to the story and make progress, I'll be sure to post it here at this group (and I may also post it at GCN and maybe even on my blog). Until then, thanks again for the encouragement, and you can be sure you'll be one of the 1st people I give an autographed copy of this story/book to. God bless... Lady J